Current location:	Rhoose, South Wales
Current mood:	aggravated
Current music:	Harry Potter Goblet Of Fire Soundtrack

Rayne'd Part 4
previous parts at http://www.chaoseternus.co.uk under short stories/drabbles

Four

Large army of supposedly mystical creatures all waiting for a fight, check.

Him, in the front row, riding a talking horse and ready to lead said army into battle at the ‘request’ of a talking horse whose mystical power appeared to be roughly equivalent to the energy released by a nuke, check.

Enemy army approaching, check.

Said army approximately four times the size of his own, oh bugger.

His sanity?

Checked out hours ago and currently on the beach at Blackpool.

Just what in the name of chaos was he doing here anyway?

Ah yes, that was it, trying to survive and not get eaten by the Lion, Brilliant plan.

At least these ‘Narnians’ knew how to pick a fight, he thought, gazing up as wave after wave of flying creatures passed overhead most carrying rocks, but he would love to know how exactly they had learned that particular trick.

He grinned maliciously as the smaller birds started flocking overhead, carrying not rocks but his party favours, a few herbal mixtures he had concocted or heard about over the years contained in highly fragile and breakable jugs.

If he survived, he would remember this day fondly for a long time. Of course, chaos had to have its way first…

-----

I am never using those party favours again, Rayne told himself as he gazed across the battlefield, trying hard to resist the urge to scrub his eyes out.

Admittedly, the birds had shown themselves to have exceptional aim, though the comment from his ‘good right hand’ that several of the birds had actually done this before was again, a worrying development. Especially coupled with the names ‘Susan, Peter, Edmund and Lucy’, now he really wanted to know where exactly they had gotten the wardrobe from.

Still, good aim meant the rocks had torn great holes in the approaching army. Unfortunately, said army being four times larger could afford such losses far better then they could.

Good aim also meant most of his party favours got to work. Unfortunately, that led to the eyeball scrubbing. Minotaur charging in full battle army was bad, pissed off Minotaur charging in a too-tight woman’s corset? Disturbing and scary. Said Minotaur getting hit by another special and suddenly finding itself wearing nothing at all? Actually, somewhat of a relief.

Sudden quicksand appearing under a giant? Helpful, took a big player out of the fight, but when said giant thrashes around, taking out a number of its comrades in arms whilst trying to escape, well, that’s just a bonus.

Finding out his untested ‘chicken’ bombs work? Beautiful, but finding the enemy line break at human sized chickens appearing amongst them was even better. Seeing the chickens peek at the ankle-bitters, mistaking them for edible worms… priceless.

Add to that a modification of his spell to make allies be seen as hated enemies, and the chaos in the ranks was just gratifying.

Rayne wondered idly if the ‘evil’ forces of the Usurper Queen Meredith would ever actually bother to continue closing with his forces, but he rather suspected it would be a while before that happened. His specials might have been used, but they were still dropping rocks so his forces were still contributing to the enemy’s losses. That was a good thing, he would hate for Meredith’s army to kill themselves before his own people had a shot at it.

His own people? Time to stop thinking to yourself Rayne.

-----

Battle won, check. Minimal casualties on his side due to the blatant demoralisation of the enemy, check.

Him still alive, very much checked, thank you Janus!.

Escaped from Narnia not checked.

Him new King of Narnia?

“Fuck that for a game of soldiers, there is no way am I becoming the ponce in charge. I’m a chaos mage not a bloody royal!”

-----

Out of Narnia, check.

Location, unknown, definitely a downside.

Metal room, check, ship-like portholes, check, but not promising.

Stars outside porthole… there are bloody stars outside the buggering porthole.

One Rayne, almost certainly Royally Screwed, checked.

“Just what in the name of the Tester are you doing in my quarters?”

Very pissed off and dangerously looking Lady with a gun, check.

Cat like creature hissing at him with nice sharp claws, check.

Pants… still clean, somehow.

Just what had he truly done to deserve all this?

Well, apart from the Halloween costumes, the band candy and all the rest of that stuff that is.